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Guests At a Pakistani Wedding

October 7, 2013

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I being a Pakistani by birth have attended numerous weddings all over the most of the country. I even organized the whole functions of my brother’s wedding, so I am speaking with experience here. For instance, If you have invited 300 people to a wedding, be sure that there will be at least 400 folks, starving since the beginning of time, having their eye on this particular day, so never expect a figure of food for 500 people to be enough. But food is one thing, there are many important affairs going on at a Pakistani Wedding.

  • The Political Aunts’ circle.

-Is that Marium’s son ? By God he’s grown, look at his face, cunning as a fox, i bet he’s got a girlfriend, I bet he smokes, I bet he’s a gang member.

-Look at the bride’s mother. Seems as if she is getting married. Look at the colour of her dress, yukhhh, so prominent.

-Oh look there’s Sara, did she look at me, I bet she did, and she purposely ignored me, she is like this isn’t she, yeah she’s a real mean brat.

-Did you know her daughter dot a divorce, yeah i know, but the nature works in strange ways, i mean i know i’m grieved and all but serves her right for being such ignorant towards her affairs and meddling with other people’s matters. (look who’s talking)

  • The Food Consumers

-There is not such thing as good food or bad food. If there is food, we must eat it.

-What they say “Hello, my name is Ali, congratulations to the couple and their families, its a beautiful event”. What they are thinking ‘I’m here for the food’.

-Hamza, my son, find a table close to the buffet, grab a couple of plates too just to be safe for the future.

-Okay son its starting, stick close to your old man, watch and learn. (The buffet starts)  YALLLLLAAAAAAA HABIBIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!

-Grab that chicken piece, yes the one with the handle, its softer, so you can eat more, what do you mean you’re stuffed,  Thappar na khaa lena mjsay  (Don’t make me slap your face)

-Okay the trick is to take the sweet first because it wont last till the end, then move towards the dinner, there’s plenty of it don’t worry.

-Its a stampede son, come on, we don’t need to sit here, standing close to the buffet is a better option.

-Serving spoons are occupied, quick use your table spoon.

  • The Witty Uncles’ table

-This is your son right, yeah, he’s got your looks, let’s hope he doesn’t get your young habits . They all laugh, including the one who got insulted, thinking how to get back at him.

-When’s the food gonna be served, I’m starving man, are you starving (asks everyone), I hope the food gets served soon, I hope its good. Hand me the water bottle, or the soft drink, hey look the salad’s being served.

-The intellectual one, with a cigar in his mouth, sitting back in his chair, everyone praising him in form of a circle and trying to be him by copying his acts.

  • The Kids

-Run, play, break objects, we are sheep, set free for the very last time, enjoy, run for no reason.

-Bump into every one’s legs, and they cry the hell out, embarrass the idiots.

-Oh the food’s gonna be served, it would be a shame, if i, answer the call of nature, in my pants, and engage my mother in cleaning and washing me.

  • The Punks Looking for The Eye Candy

-Oh look, is she looking at me, i know she’s looking at me, dude, she looked at me, im so awesome, i know she wouldve noticed the tight pink shirt or the LV belt. (she didnt look at him)

-Okay, find a table close to the table with the girls, yeah done okay, now laugh out loud for no reason to gain attention, good every one’s looking at us, now do something cool, for instance, start whistling, we need to be distinguished from the common man. (They look extremely idiotic and Pindi / shabby )

  • The Senior Citizens

-the host :Assalamoalaikum (Hello) Auntie,

the elderly woman: ‘What ?’

the host: I said hello Auntie,

woman: ‘Oh WalaikumAssalam’

host: Do you recognize me?,

woman: ‘What?

host: Do you know who I am?,

woman: ‘No thanku, yes I’ve been ill for a while, please pray for me’.

host: Can I get you something ?

woman: ( doesnt repy)

host: Do you need something ?

woman: Oh you’re Marium’s boy aren’t you ?

host: Yes auntie, its a pleasure to meet you

woman: Oh yes the food was quite nice.

And there are several other categories, in which the good guys, the cute girls, the really cute girls, the ones who think they’re cute girls are included.

In the words of the great TED MOSBEY “But more on that later”

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5 Comments
  1. assma permalink

    Nice one

  2. HAHA Hafiz (Y) 😛

  3. Thank you for the follow..!!

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