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Types of People on Facebook

October 14, 2013


The Photo Creep – Hi, today I found a random yet completely significant picture of food and I shall tag all my friends in it. It shall be marked in their timeline that they were tagged in this awesome picture with 40 other awesome people that don’t know each other and would never want to. Tomorrow I shall find a picture of an animal to tag. And then a quote. And then a cartoon. And then one of my very appealing face, too.

The Possessed Hash Tagger – The name is enough. #hey #people #I #took #a #breath #just #now #lol #haha #funny #awesome #so #cool #amazing #phenomena #shoutouttoallthebreathers #reallylonghashtagthatnobodycaneverrelateto

The Wise One – Oh, time to upload a picture of myself and add a deep, thought provoking but absolutely irrelevant quote to write along with it. Sadly, this person’s prefrontal cortex only activates when he/she needs to upload a picture. Um, ever try actually living up to those quotes?

The Weather Man/Woman – The one who feels it’s just absolutely necessary to express their solid love and gratitude for weather and also let everyone know if it’s too sunny or too cloudy or snowing or raining. Because we don’t have TV’s. Or functional eyes.

The Self Obsessed Girl – Hi, today I will take 20 pictures of me looking to the left. 15 pictures of me looking to the right. And 15 of me looking down.  Then, I will edit these pictures to the point my face looks like a blob of light. And I will upload all 50 to ensure that people’s eyes bulge out of their sockets from having to tolerate so much base and eye shadow.

The Cool Intellect – Like everyone else in the world, all this person wishes for is to be cool. But this is a special kind of cool. It involves further insulting the already humiliated concept of language/communication/brains. I’ll totes tell you the delish deets later.

The Updating Maniac – This person can’t inhale oxygen until he/she has updated his/her status about every single thing that is going on in his/her life, everything he/she thinks about, and every miniscule problem he/she has. Because everyone is desperately waiting to hear their life’s utterly fascinating stories. “I brushed my hair this morning. Four strands of hair fell out. Yesterday it was only three. What should I do guys? I’m totally freaking out. I really don’t know how I’ll get through this day.”

courtesy – Rida hassan

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